Have Yourself A Merry Little Christmas
by Clea2011
Summary: In which Becker doesn't really get into the Christmas spirit.


**Have Yourself A Merry Little Christmas...**

Becker has never been very impressed with Christmas.

He doesn't like it as a child when he's forced to dress up as a shepherd for the school play, because surely baby Jesus would need a bodyguard with a big gun? And he'd be just perfect for that role, and look so much tougher than all the other kids standing round in their tea towels. Shepherds are stupid anyway, because who wants to spend their life herding animals around for a living? It isn't something he'll ever be doing, that's for sure.

He doesn't like it as a pre-teen when he's forced to spend endless weekends beforehand with his parents as they trail around to visit relatives he doesn't know or want to know and that they only ever see in the tedious run-up to Christmas anyway, so what's the point?

He doesn't like it as a teenager when people start expecting him to spend his own money on gifts. Worse, he has to actually think of those gifts and try to imagine something the recipient might like. He usually fails, imagination isn't his thing.

As an adult he likes it even less, primarily because of all the cars on the roads when he's chasing an anomaly, and all the crowds in the supermarket when he's trying to pick up some food shopping. He hates shopping anyway but it's a choice of do that or starve. Not that those shoppers will ever starve because they're buying enough food for a siege. It'll be okay if the anomalies all open up again and the world ends at Christmas, because it looks as if most families have enough food stockpiled to last for months.

Becker doesn't think much of Christmas.

There are so many reasons, not just the traffic and shoppers. There are the houses with their tacky decorations and blow-up snowmen on the lawn, all lit up as if global warming had never happened. There's the infernal seasonal music, that just won't stop no matter where he goes. Do they know it's Christmas? How could anyone not? It's everywhere, on and on like a cruel mental torture. And then there are the people who just get way too excited at the very thought of Christmas...

Becker doesn't like Christmas.

He particularly starts to dislike it once he takes up his post at the ARC. The first year isn't so bad, because Connor is the only one interested and Abby keeps him under control. The second year there's only Jess who's really enthusiastic about it and he can cope with that because it's Jess. This year, though, they've banded together. Connor and Jess have turned the ARC into Christmas hell.

Becker doesn't like Christmas decorations.

He particularly hates the electronic tree in the corner of the Hub. It's motion-sensitive, and sings "I'm the Happiest Christmas Tree, hah hah hah, hee hee hee..." every time anyone walks past. No matter how many times he unplugs it, next time he goes by it's singing to him again. In the end he waits until everyone has gone home one night and shoots it. It isn't the happiest of Christmas trees after that, and doesn't sing.

Sadly he can't shoot Connor and Jess, tempting though it is every morning when they greet each other with an enthusiastic chorus of "Sleeps till Santa." Jess is lovely, but her voice isn't so great and it would be better if she didn't try to sing. Especially with someone as tuneless as Connor. By "Seven Sleeps to go..." Becker's ready to at least use the lowest setting of the EMD on them.

Becker hates joining in with anything that people describe as fun, because it never is.

He refuses to take part in the Secret Santa that Jess is trying to organise, and only very reluctantly tags along for the Christmas meal because at least there's food and drink and anyway it's free so he might as well go. He doesn't think that Lester looks very keen on the idea of being Santa either.

Becker hates being forced to take time off over Christmas.

Lester has changed the rotas. He says it's because Becker's worked for the whole of the previous two Christmases, and he's built up a stupid amount of leave that he refuses to take. It doesn't seem like a good reason to Becker. It's just after the Santa announcement, which puts Lester in a bad mood, and Becker thinks this might be another reason to hate the whole Santa thing, and that it was probably Connor and Jess's fault. More Connor than Jess, he reasons, because there wasn't this problem last year and Connor's insistence that Lester wear a Santa hat whilst handing out the presents has probably tipped the scales. And also, well, it's Jess. Now Becker is stuck with having to find something to do with himself for a week while still pretending to his family that sadly he has to work over Christmas. He tells them no, he can't come home and suffer the cheesy films and family rows and his nieces and nephews screaming the place down, much as he'd love to, so sorry. Or something like that.

Becker just hates Christmas.

It's Christmas Eve, the day of the Secret Santa, and he's not taking part because of the gifts he's had in previous years which were just stupid and embarrassing. He's sure that first Danny and then Matt were responsible for them, and Matt is still around to influence present-buying. Lester isn't taking part either because the Santa hat Connor produces is covered in red sparkly sequins and no way is he wearing that. Even when Connor suggests that he dress up as the Grinch instead he refuses, so they've got no Santa.

Except they have got a Santa, and she's wearing a very short red dress with a white fur trim around the skirt, and apparently most of the ARC has decided to take part in this year's draw and are now all lining up for their gift and kiss from Santa under the mistletoe. It's very unfair that this benefit has been kept from him. It's hardly the same as Lester shoving a present at you with a grumpy expression on his face and all the warmth of a snowdrift. It's also unfair that they employ so many men at the ARC, and it's particularly wrong that with the exception of Lester and himself, every last one of them has signed up for the stupid gift exchange.

Stupid people, stupid presents, stupid Christmas.

Becker _really_ hates Christmas.

He hates that he stomps out to the firing range to get in some target practice, not because he's had enough of watching the kissing but because he needs to keep his skills up. He hates that Connor and Jess come down to see him with the gift Jess has got for him anyway, because he doesn't notice Jess and is maybe a little harsher than he needs to be with Connor. He hates that he's less than grateful, because he thinks it's a joke gift from Connor. He particularly hates that he doesn't get to give Jess a Christmas kiss because she flings the present at him with even less affection than Lester would have done and stomps off as crossly as anyone in ridiculously high pointy red heels could ever manage to do. It's a bit demoralising when someone with Connor's level of social skills starts telling you to lighten up, and looking at you as though you're the most inept thing he's ever seen.

Becker hates himself because Jess has already gone home and he didn't even get to apologise or wish her a happy Christmas, and now he feels like the biggest Christmas turkey ever.

Connor tells Abby, who lectures him as well, and even Lady Emily has a few things to say. And now they've all gone for drinks and not bothered to invite him because they know he doesn't do Christmas and wouldn't be interested, and so it's just him and his guns.

He opens Jess's gift and it's a replica of his favourite old shotgun that Danny lost. It's perfect, and he hates himself even more now.

Becker doesn't like driving home through the busy streets full of shoppers who've left things to the last minute. They keep running across the road in front of him because they're pedestrians and think it's okay to do that in the city centre. One particularly stupid teenager runs right in front of his truck and he has to slam on the brakes. He would've yelled at her but he's right outside a shop with a dazzling window display containing the prettiest pair of shoes in the very centre that he knows Jess would love. And he ignores the car behind that's honking at him to move, staring at the shoes because they'd look just perfect on her.

Becker dreads Christmas as he stands outside Jess's front door with the carefully wrapped box in his hands, because it's probably already made her take off across the country to her family and he's too late. But now her door opens and she's standing there still wearing that cute little outfit and hasn't gone to join the others or see her family yet after all. And he can apologise, and hand her the box, and see the surprise on her face turn to delight because who wouldn't be delighted with a pair of shoes that could cripple both you and your bank account at the same time?

And then Becker starts to quite like Christmas because Jess is squealing with delight at those shoes and throwing her arms around him, and she didn't kiss any of those losers back at the ARC like this. And now he's getting asked inside, and offered drink, and kissed again, and it doesn't look as if either of them are going anywhere tonight, and those shoes look as perfect on her feet as he knew they would, and maybe Christmas is just the best thing ever!

Becker loves Christmas.


End file.
